On Birthcontrol....

So I finally got myself out to my doctor for a check up...

We got into a long conversation about my 'mood swings' that I've been having for a while now. At first, I figured that it was just me getting older, my body changing with hormones.

A few years ago, you never would have caught me crying during a cheesy movie, and you wouldn't have seen me screaming one second, then crying the next. I've always been one of those people that show very little emotion. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I'm cold and emotionless, but I feel like emotions are a fairly private thing and not meant to be shared with the world. But at some point in the recent years, that whole mindset was shaken away like an expertly crafted design is shaken from an etch-a-sketch - NOTHING of it remained.

So I was speaking to my new doctor about this 'change', so of course the questions began...how long has it been happening, any major changes in life style, yadda yadda yadda. Then it comes up about my birthcontrol practices. I've been on birthcontrol for QUITE a while now, I almost can't even remember when I actually did start taking the pill. Not to say that I was having sex and needing the birthcontrol, but there are other hormonal benefits that come from BC. So we pin point that I was on Ortho-Tri-Cyclene from about the time that I was 15, to about 20. 5 years of steady usage...5 emotionally stable years (for the most part).

What was the major change up? The stupid patch. Wow! A BC measure that I only have to mess with once a month!?!? Sign me up.

This is where it all goes down hill.

I remember that I changed up to the BC Patch around the end of my relationship of, we'll call him "Man - O", there wasn't much of a sex life, but I wanted a BC measure that I didn't have to worry about. So I changed it up, I didn't gain weight, and I didn't die - so I was happy with the change. The term 'emotionally retarded breakup' has nothing on our break up. Typically, I have a fairly good stability in terms of break ups, especially when I'm just not really into the guy.

Enter "Man P", begin emotional rollercoaster, unfortunately 5'2" is tall enough for this ride. Constant doubts of my attractiveness, constantly doubting the reasons that this guy was dating me, constantly feeling like I was worthless....plenty of tears. Not necessarily any 'reasons' for these tears per se, well, hormones maybe. I knew something was wrong, I just didn't know what. Eventually the relationship with "Man P" ends, and many many tears later, I still feel lonely and depressed almost 24/7.

What the hell?

By now, I stopped using the patch. It got annoying, and without any man around, who needs birthcontrol! First mistake. So I go a few months with no form of hormonal balance whatsoever, I get used to the fact that the Lifetime channel can actually make me sob more than an alcoholic with a busted bottle of vodka.

Who are you, and what have you done with my sanity?

Fast forward through more tears and more emotional breakdowns. Pause in the Doctor's office. Rewind back to the words "mood swings". What did the doctor just say?

So apparently, there's a high chance that all of my emotional issues that have been plaguing my poor brain have most likely been brought on by a sudden change of BC, and then the lack there of? Sure, it's possibly just in my head, but hell, the fact that we could pretty much pin point it down to the exact moments of the emotional outbursts with the change ups of BC to be within each other by a few weeks....could it be?

So I picked up my nice 3 month supply. Hello stability, how I've missed you.