Face your fears. All of the cool kids are doing it...
It's funny how the human mind works sometimes.
It allows you to take one situation, and completely downplay the importance of all of the other absolutely amazing things going on in you life, and keep the one single flawed circumstance stand as being the 'marker' of how you happen to be at a single moment in time.
Time heals all wounds, but it won't let me walk away from him. Any other man I could walk away from and never give it a second thought. Once the emotional 'book' is closed on them, it's shut forever. No matter the begging and pleaded that could occur in the future - you burn me, and I'll love you like a friend, but never more. I have a few ex's that continually try to re-enter the thick wall around my heart, only to smash their heads hard enough to see stars. The visual I just had on that made me laugh - what can beat an image of an ex running face first into a cold, grey, cinder block wall...
There is a point. I think.
Last night he was over here. It wasn't like last time, he didn't jet in and jet out. Instead, it felt cozy with him in my apartment again. He played with little ol' scooter, the little bugger gave him a run. But alas, I think Dennis won this round. There wasn't any kind of deep meaningful conversation, but I didn't expect there to be. I actually figured that he'd stop by, drop the stuff off, make the 'nice' conversation and get back to him sanctuary (read: his AC'd apartment and computer). But this time, he grabbed the remote, put on a movie, and plunked down on the sofa next to me. I got as comforatable as I could with him sitting just inches away from me. I had to do everything within my will power to not lean in for a kiss. There was definitely a tension, which isn't surprising considering the chemistry that we have. He mentioned that he hasn't been sleeping well, which is funny because he always used to say that he slept better with me around.
What's keeping us apart again?
So eventually the swealtering mess that is my apartment, thanks to the broken AC, got to him in his jeans and long sleeve button up shirt. And around 11 he had to 'get home'. Who really knows if it was really the heat that pushed him out, or if he was feeling the same 'trying to hold back' feeling that I was.....I'll probably never know.
The only thing that I know is, we're good together. We belong toghter, and I have a 'feeling' about this guy. There's a future, it may not be immeditate, but I just KNOW.
Then maybe I'll be able to see how perfect every other aspect of my life is.
Of course, I haven't heard from him today either. I'm sure he'll disappear off the radar for a few days, then *poof* magically appear out of nowhere.
I'll never understand men.
posted by Beschädigte Güter @ 8:31 PM
5 Comments:
I'll never understand women.
I dunno if we're supposed to understand. I do hope things work out for you, though, and that they work out for the best..
~Sheriff
Men are SO much more confusing. At least us females aren't in denial about the fact that we're screwy. Most men plead the "we're so easy to undertand" bullshit line, but in the end, ya'll are JUST as screwy.
Okay, after having no less than SIX women say, "You're so wonderful, why can't I find a guy like you, oh, look, there's an asshole jerk who will treat me like shit, I'll go have sex with him and try to change him, thanks for listening" I lost all hope for the females of the species.
Not that guys are any better, but just are usually more upfront about shit like that.
~Sheriff
HA!
You're talking to someone that was cheated on by just about every boyfriend that she had until 2 years ago. All the while being told 'how in love they are' by said pricks. Much higher than 6 too...
That's just scraping the surface.
Trust me, it would make your toes curl if you heard half of the shitty things that i've had done to me by men.
But honestly? This is probably the most painful, because I know that we're good for each other. I know that he actually cares. There's just no good reason for us to be apart.
Yea....I know the feeling. That's how I felt about Mel, although the good reason, for her, would be the Mormon thing.
But I mean, shit. Maybe this is bad on her, but everytime I've seen her, she doesn't have her wedding ring on.
Is that a happy marriage? When you take your wedding ring off everytime you go and do something? She hated it when I pointed it out to people. It just seems like she made all the wrong choices, for all the wrong reasons. It really fucking gets to me.
And men who've done things to you are shit, so yea. I don't know what to tell you, other than, I've been there. And been way screwed over by women too.
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