Face your fears. All of the cool kids are doing it...

It's funny how the human mind works sometimes.

It allows you to take one situation, and completely downplay the importance of all of the other absolutely amazing things going on in you life, and keep the one single flawed circumstance stand as being the 'marker' of how you happen to be at a single moment in time.

Time heals all wounds, but it won't let me walk away from him. Any other man I could walk away from and never give it a second thought. Once the emotional 'book' is closed on them, it's shut forever. No matter the begging and pleaded that could occur in the future - you burn me, and I'll love you like a friend, but never more. I have a few ex's that continually try to re-enter the thick wall around my heart, only to smash their heads hard enough to see stars. The visual I just had on that made me laugh - what can beat an image of an ex running face first into a cold, grey, cinder block wall...

There is a point. I think.

Last night he was over here. It wasn't like last time, he didn't jet in and jet out. Instead, it felt cozy with him in my apartment again. He played with little ol' scooter, the little bugger gave him a run. But alas, I think Dennis won this round. There wasn't any kind of deep meaningful conversation, but I didn't expect there to be. I actually figured that he'd stop by, drop the stuff off, make the 'nice' conversation and get back to him sanctuary (read: his AC'd apartment and computer). But this time, he grabbed the remote, put on a movie, and plunked down on the sofa next to me. I got as comforatable as I could with him sitting just inches away from me. I had to do everything within my will power to not lean in for a kiss. There was definitely a tension, which isn't surprising considering the chemistry that we have. He mentioned that he hasn't been sleeping well, which is funny because he always used to say that he slept better with me around.

What's keeping us apart again?

So eventually the swealtering mess that is my apartment, thanks to the broken AC, got to him in his jeans and long sleeve button up shirt. And around 11 he had to 'get home'. Who really knows if it was really the heat that pushed him out, or if he was feeling the same 'trying to hold back' feeling that I was.....I'll probably never know.

The only thing that I know is, we're good together. We belong toghter, and I have a 'feeling' about this guy. There's a future, it may not be immeditate, but I just KNOW.

Then maybe I'll be able to see how perfect every other aspect of my life is.

Of course, I haven't heard from him today either. I'm sure he'll disappear off the radar for a few days, then *poof* magically appear out of nowhere.

I'll never understand men.